The Roads Ahead are Slick with Apathy.. (mature)

I dunno why I write “mature” in the title, I guess as a warning? Meh I’m not exactly PG on this blog. More like MA heh. Is there one higher than that?

Even though I don’t feel like writing, fuck it, I’ll try. My mind is a mass of decomposing garbage, that unfortunately isn’t compost you can use to fertilize your plants. So it’s just rotting, festering, bleak as fuck. And I’m just standing there starring at it, wondering if I should just light a match and watch it burn.

Was that existential?


The heating pad I’m laying on is gently burning my neck in a twisted attempt at numbing the pain of yesterday’s horrors. Stupid stress. It feels like my fucking existence revolves around it. And due to my upbringing, I do not handle it well physically.

Physically ehhhhh, I’m as dry as the Sahara desert, where it counts. Yet, the rest of me is like I’ve been bathing in Apple Cider Vinegar, sexy. Such an erotic and enticing aroma.

So, being that I’m dare I say, repulsive? Let’s talk about “personal relief”. If you don’t know what that is well, you probably shouldn’t be on this blog. Ha


For reference, I haven’t had sex in 7 months.

Even my heating pad is starting to look arousing.

That’s not my longest drought though by any means. I’ve only ever been with 2 guys in my entire life.

Which means, I’ve become VERY accustomed to figuring out my own situation, if you catch my drift.

A hyper sexual person, who doesn’t have sex. Hm, is there a possible joke in there somewhere?

Anyway, I don’t sleep around. It just doesn’t interest me, and (corny Alert 🚨) sex means something deep to me.


Now, to the task at hand, self satisfaction. That’s the name of the game.

Last time I was looking for sex toys, personal use obviously, I was pretty engrossed at the selection. It wasn’t long ago either, maybe a month?

My “weapon of choice” (<< I like that, forever using that), just didn’t have the power. Didn’t have the steam. So, in the market for hotter fairs, I decided to try a few things out.

First off, I am NOT a kinkshamer. UNLESS, you are into a few very select things. Being-

1- Kids

2- Animals

3- Dead bodies

4- Involuntary Torture

Basically, anything that hurts another person, or an animal. Animals can’t consent, neither can children. And dead bodies can’t either for the record.

If full mutual, adult consent is there, have at it. I don’t judge unless the aforementioned are involved.

I actually find kinks fascinating, I’d honestly love to have a real conversation with someone who has unique kinks. Hear it from their perspective.

Annnnnd I’m getting off track. Kinks is for the next post. 👆🏻


I purchased a few choice items, can I just say, it’s kinda overwhelming the amount of toys out there. Am I wrong?

Anyway, 4 in total I decided on getting. Nothing to out there or anything. But, definitely some future options.

Starting with the new “weapon of choice” that’ll be getting the most wear.

Alright, here’s the lowdown on what I think about vibrators.

First off, holy banana sandwich do they make them in funky shapes. I saw one that was legit shaped like a palm sized gold diamond. Holding that would be weird. I opted for a much more traditional elongated shape, but pretty thin.

Second, now, I know I may be considered “crazy” by some for saying this, but I don’t give a rats ass about different “pulse modes”. They give you like all these options for different “patterns” or whatever, but all of them, to me, are weak. I want a steady, strong as fuck sensation.

But, they give you like 3 settings, and 8 pulse modes. Stop! Fucks sake. Cut those modes in half and give me more power!

(Side bar- If you can cum from the first setting on a vibrator, I e.n.v.y you)

Look, I understand that those modes are used for teasing and slow build up. Fair enough, totally fine. But the juice is too low. Sometimes you only get one power level setting!

This wangs my chung ok? (80s reference) I’m pretty sure eventually your body gets used to that power level and you need more power right? Like it gets accustomed to the sensation.

So basically, the lowest setting is useless to get the job done. You may get 2 more options. And then 500+ “pulse modes”. No. For more power levels, you gotta spend more money. I spent a good amount on this new one and it still only has 4. With the first 2 being crap.

These pulse modes I just don’t get. Like I said, teasing, build up. But I dunno, maybe I just want it all done too fast, maybe I’m not as sensitive as other girls, unfortunately. But those settings are just a waste to me. *sigh*

Any other ladies feel that way?


As for the other 3, I’ll do them in a separate post. This one is super long as is, and fuck knows if it’s even interesting aha.

So I’ll leave it with- Come to the dark side, we have cookies and free porn

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