Insane to the Mundane..

I fall for people I can’t have like a bug smashing on to the windshield of a semi truck. 18 wheels and a windshield, never see it coming. Fucks sake, or maybe I do. Maybe my sense of preservation for what’s left of my heart becomes an afterthought from the headlights frying my brain out of my fucking skull.

I remiss..

As another Sunday comes to a close, I find myself breathing a sigh of relief. And also becoming nauseous at the thought of another week pissing in the wind behind me.

Is this sounding hmmmmm— a bit “negative Nancy”? Or just horribly apathetic? Either way I’m going with it.


What is a Rose? If not just a flower that we decided is pretty and put a price tag on it? It is pretty though, reds my favorite color, fun fact.

But, who decided to put a price tag on it? Who decided it was worth anything? It’s just a flower that grows naturally, yet it’s held at decently high value. It’s funny the worth that people put on such simple things.

It’s also equally funny how companies will take something naturally growing in nature and try to make money off of it. I mean, just put in the advertisement- “Buy her roses, you may get laid”. It’s like the more higher the cost of something, the more valuable people think it’s worth. But it’s just a flower, you can grow it yourself. Sure you have to buy the initial seeds and water them, but you’ll have roses for years.

If no one ever said, “hey, these diamonds are worth thousands!” It’d just be another sparkly stone. Albeit a very pretty one.

I dunno why I’m running off on a tangent with this, it just came to mind. I suppose it just shows how easily it is to manipulate the populous.

Growing roses= Time and effort+++

Buying roses= -Time and minimal effort.

So, I suppose the take away from this is-

Often, people want the easiest option, the fastest fix, the simplest solution.

Just because something is priced like it’s worth a small planet, doesn’t mean it’s worth a spit throw. These things would be worth nothing if someone hadn’t come along and said “hey, it’s sparkly, let’s charge a mint! Hey it’s romantic, let’s bundle it and charge a steal!.”

Now, I’m not trying to say I’m above these aspects and tendencies, I’ve bought something vastly more expensive over something more moderate just because I thought-

Expensive= Better

I do want things fast and simple.

But real worth in life, is your time. You can always grow more flowers, find more diamonds. But your time you can never get back.


That’s why if someone writes me something, makes me something, dedicated their time into something just for me, it’s better than any store bought gift. Something for example I’ve always fantasized about getting is. For a guy to either write a song for me and play it on guitar. Or, pick a song that reminds me of them and play it on guitar for me. Something like that and I’d honestly melt into the floor.

Put value on the time they give you, sure bought gifts are nice, and yeah they did have to go out and buy them, and of course pick it out with the thought of you. But honestly, a guy writing a letter expressing how much I make him happy, that’s worth everything.


Such an impassioned speech am I right? Legit came out of nowhere in my mind. Perhaps it was triggered by watching every guy that I like be swept away by some shallow hole who doesn’t appreciate them. 🤔

Yes both girls and guys are subject to this. Girls go with asshat guys, guys go with shallow hole girls. At times even ignoring the perfect person right in front of them, so much so you just wanna slap them till they wake the fuck up.

Perfect example

I have a guy friend, and he legit only seems to care about if a girl is really skinny or not. If she’s not, she’s fat automatically and he will not give a glance. Look, everyone has their type ok I get that. But just because you can’t see the BONES on a girl, doesn’t mean she’s fat. That is shallow to the next dimension.

And so he meets a girl right, she’s “really really cute and hot” and they hangout, he goes to her place, they are cuddling. They start talking about how many people they’ve slept with, and she simply goes “eh, like 42”.

Now now, hold the phone, this is NOT about me judging this girl I don’t know personally and am just hearing about second hand. That’s not my point for bringing this up.

So, while they are cuddling and she’s holding his hand, she’s texting another guy right there in his arms. Which understandably makes him uncomfortable. Apparently, this guy she’s texting is the one she really likes and wants to fuck, but he’s not into her or whatever.

So my friend gets annoyed and apparently, “his feelings hurt a bit”, and decides to leave. To which she gets upset because she’s not used to guys just walking out on her. (Poor princess yeah?)

Now, the point of me bringing this short tale of the “almost one night stand” up, is because, if she hadn’t have hurt his feelings, he’d still have fucked her.

After knowing her for about 24 hours max.

Look, people can do what they want, they’re consenting adults, it’s their business. But my friend clearly only cares if the girl is hot or not, versus her actually being a decent person.

He has this idea in his head that, “I’ve gotta be able to see her hip bones, her ribs, some bones!” And what do ya know, sure he’s had sex with girls, but only one actual gf who lasted until they broke up.

Yet, he sits there and says he’s lonely and wants a relationship. It never lasts with a girl because after they have sex, they have nothing to talk about. Nothing in common. And she loses interest and stops talking to him.

Geeeeee, wonder why that didn’t work out? Hmmmmmmmm? 🤔

Shallow as the day is long.

He even called me fat, which I know I’m not skinny, but that was uncalled for.

I’m extremely self conscious about my body. But that’s another topic for another post. 😪


In the end, do what you want, as long as it’s not hurting anyone or any animals. It’s your choice, your life. Just don’t come crying to me that you’re lonely or hurt, when you just want a girl to fuck, and “he’s being cold to me againnnn!”.

Oh, and if you don’t have anything to talk about after the “whistle blows”, maybe she/he aren’t the right one for you. 👆🏻


So I’ll leave it with- “Some times you gotta go insane, to out sane, the sane.”



#daily, #depression, #anxiety, #new, #life, #mylife, #recovery, #art, #artist, #writer, #emo, #nerd, #otaku, #grunge, #alternative, #indie, #mentalhealth, #relatable, #pain, #sadness, #deep, #live, #aquarius, #goals, #change, #aesthetic, #edgy, #poem, #poet, #poetry, #personal, #pansexual, #mood, #love, #feeling, #update, #recovery, #mystyle, #pretty, #gamergirl, #geek, #antisocial, #90s, #vibe #relationships #dating

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