Purpose to the Pain.. (Poem)

I wish I could remember how things were before we met. Sitting here with a lit cigarette. It’s 3 in the afternoon and I’m too far down to earth. I wish I was somewhere else. Rocket Man playing on the stereo. I sympathize, miles out in the middle of nowhere, so far you can’t remember which way is home. I wanna cry, but there’s nothing left in me.

Food looks like a chore and the bottles half empty. What happened to my sense of reasoning? What happened to the girl who didn’t need anyone? That was the person I wanted to be.. That was the life I vowed I’d lead. And here I am, broken over the desire for the company of someone else.

I miss my life.. Even though I can’t remember it much, I know I was happier then. You know they don’t care anymore, that you’re long since forgotten to them. Maybe they never cared.. Maybe it was just your own desperation for them that twisted delusion into truth.. Is it really a lie until someone believes it? Or is it just another circumstance?

All the lights have burned out except one, I see it flicking from time to time as if signally the amount of time I have left in my sane mind. The darkness serves as a blanket of cold indifference. I wanna hate them.. but every time I try, I just remember how they made me so happy..And all the sudden they become this golden standard for everyone you meet thereafter. You look for them in other people. Hoping you’ll catch a glimpse all the things you grew to love about them..

Bathing in the last rays of sunlit ash before it visits the other side of the world. It’s funny how sadness eclipses all fears I have of the dark. Arriving at the end of a book to find no conclusion. Trying to solve an equation that has no solution. And the only thing you can ask is, “what was point?”, stunned at the results lasting confusion. I always wanted to believe everything happens for a reason. But maybe that was all just to delude myself into thinking that pain has a purpose.. 🍁

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