Halloooo to my fellow bloggers, I know I’ve been posting lots of poems lately, but I’ve also been writing a lot more lately. So I wanna share them here. They always reflect my mental state and head space.
It’s raining today, the room is barely lit and it’s 3:15pm. I’m at a stand still on where to proceed with my day. I know I have a long list of “to do’s”, but yet here I am. ¯\_( ￣ー￣ )_/¯
To start, I really wanna start offering something on my blog, whether it be encouraging, my recovery and suggestions, my current diet and food recommendations, story ideas, reviews of this and that. So I think more on it and hey, maybe I’ll do a bit of each one. (っ¯ヮ¯ς)
As far as my current relationship goes, it’s at a standstill and I honestly don’t know if it’ll ever recover. Due to the fact that he doesn’t know what he wants, and has no healthy way of dealing with his emotions, he can’t cope. So that’s why he drinks, and now gets high, to forget the pain. He pushes any positive light in his life away, condemning himself to the darkness alone, all because he feels undeserving and that he will ultimately ruin that light. He’s stubborn and thinks his way is the only way.
I love him to the moon and back, would do whatever was needed just to be near him. But, I can’t make him accept my love. So at this point I’m not talking to him. I’m letting him fester in his own mistakes and damage he’s caused. I want him to miss me, to miss me so bad he wakes up to this shit and realizes we’re better together. We help each other, we can’t help but smile when we’re together, no matter how bad or sad we feel. And when we hate the world and everyone in it, we can’t hate each other. When we can’t tolerate a single thing, we can always find comfort in each other. I miss him dearly.. and truth be known, all this has really devastated me..
In other daily news, I’m still not speaking to my mother, I barely want to speak to my father as well. He’s just turned into her puppet. Yet he asks me when we can all meet up and “talk”. Talk about what? No it won’t be talking, it’ll be her calling me a “thief” and a “cruel daughter”, I’ll get pissed off and walk out, and a valuable amount of time will be wasted.
Life goes on regardless of if we need a break or second to breathe. It just does it’s thing and we gotta roll with it. So for now this will be my update. 👋🏻
So I’ll leave it with- Rain Rain, you drown my brain, washing away my resolve to stay sane🍂🍁
Pics of the view from my desk and kitchen
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