Life Was Never Meant To Be Kind..

These posts are few and far between now and that honestly makes me sad. All I can do is try once a day to post here. So that’s my new goal. Post here once a day, even if it’s just a poem. Which to be fair, I wanted to post my poems and artwork here anyway (੭´͈ ° `͈)੭ ♡

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Sunday Funday am I right? Well, not in my case. I’ve hated them ever since I was very young. Pretty much anything having to do with my parents is nothing but stress, anxiety, and bad memories. It’s strange how even now, my body reacts the same each and every Sunday. My neck tenses up, mood drops, more on edge, on guard, changing years of set in behavior patterns seems so impossible.

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My current living situation is by no means a good one, heavy with pressure and being under the gun every day. Money is tight, and the tension is even tighter around my neck to produce a solution. Supporting two households is bleeding me dry and already taking any future blood I produce. Money is a lot like blood, the more you lose, the less time it feels like you have left. I would say that right now, money by far is my biggest problem.

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I’m gonna be honest with myself, I have not been good with money always. I have the potential, I know I do, I’ve done it before, I just keep putting it off and letting my head make excuses. “Oh it’s just so and so dollars, that’s not much”, “oh one overdraft fee won’t hurt”, excuses excuses. Well, more like justifying dumb ass choices. The mind is a powerful thing, Hell, some of us can justify murder and abuse, as long as they can sleep at night.

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Realizing I have a problem is the first step. The second is coming up with a plan to handle the problem, then putting it into action and staying consistent. Holding myself accountable for any slip ups. Setting small goals at first, then gradually going up to bigger ones. I know I can do this, I’ve noticed with myself that if I can just make that first hard step, each one gets easier and then I won’t want to go back and have to restart from scratch again. Just that one step.

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Speaking of steps, I’ve completely cut out all dairy from my diet, and all MSG. Going through the motions of this hasn’t been easy by any means. It’s mind boggling how many things have milk in them you never ever would have thought of until you check the ingredients. Now, having a massive sweet tooth and being a huge fan of Mexican food, this was putting a massive wrench into my options. So thinking now, I’d love to do a dedicated blog post to some of the alternatives I’ve found that I’ve used to replace things with milk or MSG. I’m allergic to cows and flavor enhancers, which tend to creep into 95% of all buyable foods. So I’ve had to make some adjustments. But trust me when I say that it’s definitely possible and you won’t be miserable pining for all the things you gave up.

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Remember, just one step, start, and the more you go, the more you won’t wanna have to go back and start over. Instead of having this blog just be about my musings, I wanna go into the struggles I’ve had and either have over come, or am in the process of doing so. I think if even one person can relate and feel not alone, that it’ll be worth all the effort. (੭´͈ ° `͈)੭ ♡

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Future planned posts-

Going dairy free

Money control and spending habits

Becoming independent and taking charge

Poems

Art

Dealing with depression, anxiety, and overcoming past abuse, how I did it

Possible reviews of movies, products, food items, whatever catches me.

Planning goals and how I plan to stick to them

And of course more musings, life updates, opinion pieces, and how I’m coping.

Stay tuned (◟ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈◞)

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So I’ll leave it with: Just one step, keep going🍁🍂

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#daily #depression #anxiety #medication #new #life #mylife #recovery #art #artist #writer #emo #nerd #otaku #grunge #alternative #grunge #indie #mentalhealth #relatable #pain #sadness #deep #live #aquarius #goals #change #positive #lifestyle #poet #independent #aesthetic

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