“A” Is For Always..

I miss ‘A’.. I know I shouldn’t, I know she doesn’t miss me at all, she probably never even thinks of me.. She pushed me away so easily, she had no fear of losing me because I didn’t matter..

Yet, no matter who I meet, who tells me I’m beautiful, who has some sort of crush on me, I can’t forget her. I saw some artwork I made of her and it all came back like a flash flood. She’s still the most beautiful human being I’ve ever seen in my life. Her body was beautiful, her smile was beautiful, her voice was perfect, when I saw her smile, it was like a gift. She would look at me when she thought I wasn’t looking and smile. And my insides would melt.

God damn it.. why, why can’t I forget her, why won’t these feelings stop?.. She’s the forever I wanted, she made me happy in ways I’d never felt.. my bunny. I wonder if she truly hates me.. if she ever wears the ring I gave her.. I wanna see her, I wanna hear her voice again.. I get glimpses of her when I scroll through my pictures and it hits my heart like a hot needle..

I bet she’s happy without me.. why am I the only one stuck.. I want her to come back to me.. To say she needs me.. To hear that beautiful voice.. I can’t help it, I still love her.. There’s only one of you, yet I still look for you in everyone I meet.. I see them, but behind them I see your beautiful face, as if it’s a reminder that they aren’t you.

Why do I still have hope that we’ll reconnect.. why? We met for a reason.. and I just can’t accept that this is the reason.. just to hurt like this and suffer.. there has to be something deeper.. i still feel like I’m meant to be by your side..

when I asked you to stay, I meant it..🍂

#daily #depression #anxiety #life #writer #art #artist #mylife #recovery #grunge #emo #90s #vaporwave #alternative #indie #new #feeling #mood #nerd #otaku #deep #pain #missyou #sad

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