Melancholic Methodical Moods..

Gray skies consumed the suns glowing ability to jumpstart my motivation today. I clutched at straws to at least accomplish something. I did finish the layout of my page and have some ideas for some artwork. It’s strange how days I used to love so much are now the bane of my existence. I used to love cloudy gray windy days, Autumn and Winter being my favorite seasons. But somehow now, the Autumn days I used to embrace and the nighttime I used to feel calmed by are just memories.

I dunno if this has to do with my longing for ‘A’ or not, but not a day goes by I don’t think of him. I can’t say I’ve ever felt this way about another person. This depth of longing that goes straight to my soul. Sometimes I’ll just be sitting at my desk and I’ll watch something, or hear something, and there he’ll be in my head. I sound like such a broken record, stuck skipping on the saddest most pathetic lyrics ever.

My goal is to get to England and set all this straight. I have to. If I don’t I’m surely gonna go mad, and I can’t take any more steps forward until it’s done. So, each day I need to do something that will get me a step closer to meeting that goal. Which brings me to goal number 2.

Exercising. If I wanna have any hope of surviving this massive endeavor, my stamina and health need a serious level up. I need XP pronto. So, those two goals are my main prerogative. Boast my health/bust ass for this trip.

I gotta lay off the pin spending, not eat my allergies, and for the love of all that is magical in the universe, keep my mood up. If I lose my mood, everything else will fall like a house of cards. Going against my depression in a daily head to head battle for dominance is one of the necessaries of this goal being met. Time has never been a friend to me, it’s just another Demon I need to control as much as possible.

‘A’ may be moving on, but I can’t let this go. I miss that damn Potatohead so much. Our meeting was no coincidence, I have to see this through. So I’ll leave it with- Anarchy inspires me to run down London Streets🍂

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