When doing a blog it’s kind of your diary in a way. A place you go to to vent the pressure inside your heart. Any kind of anguish and heartache I speak of is usually about the same person for me.. I think I’d be fine with 99% of the world turning their backs on me, but when this one person did, it collapsed every level of me I had built up inside. Levels of strength to protect from pain, levels of assertion that I’m going the right way.. All gone in an instant.
I sit here and wonder if I’m crazy, but then again, do crazy people even know they’re crazy? Maybe to them, how they are is normality. If we don’t trust ourselves, that in itself is a form of crazy. Because then each step you make, you agonize over whether it was the right one or not. Back and forth in your head, never really getting any further. Self doubt, is an absolute beast of a madness.
I envy those who have discovered their own version of inner peace.. I can only imagine what a sense of serenity that must be each day.. For all the ways I try and have a “easy come, easy go” approach to life, it’s the attachments I make to certain people that are my inevitable downfall.. And the one I’m stuck on now is the most tormenting I’ve ever had..
If someone doesn’t care about you, are you crazy for still caring about them? I suppose most people would say, “well, don’t care about people who don’t care about you”, and in many cases, they are right. But sometimes we don’t get to choose who our heart decides to latch on to. In my case it’s this one person. I don’t know how to make it stop, the person I’ve become isn’t the one I used to feel confident in..
I can’t be me.. and I don’t know how to be them.. so what am I left with then?
So I’ll leave it with- You’re gonna carry that weight..
#pain #anxiety #broken #brokenheart #life #daily #feeling #emo #deep #depression #new #latenight #cantsleep